I Never Planned to Admire Him

My Ugly Heart

I had no idea he was someone I would come to admire.

For you see, we had varying differences. Like thorns that kept us apart, I let the ooze of our “disagreeing views” spill over, and I developed a clouded view of him, never considering what we had in common.

Now, the best part is we are now friends, and it took his wife getting ‘lung cancer’ to heal my heart. To open my eyes, so I could see with clarity. To let go of the ugly. To focus on rising above the hurt. To allow the tumor of disagreement to fall away, as a layer of love fell like rose petals from heaven.

When she got sick, I got a text from him: You’re welcome in our home. (I’d never gone inside before). In one second, in one moment of kindness, that which kept us at bay was gone.

His Heart was There

Then I watched the way he cared for his wife as she endured lung cancer. As she faced surgery for the brain tumor, and surgery for the blood clots. As she went through rehab.

I noticed his commitment to her during the loss of her mobility, to her new life in a wheelchair. To this season of sorrow and suffering. And the petals of her suffering revealed a devoted husband who was with her every minute. Never wavering! Committed to her!

He was there when she wheezed. When she wept. When she needed lifting. When she needed to turn over. He was there.

When she endured the back pain, the CAT scans, and the MRI’s, he was there. When she went to the doctor’s office for radiation, he was there.

When she gave blood. When she dealt with the setbacks, he was there. When her pain intensified. When her cries filled the house, he was there. When she returned to the hospital, again, he was there.

When the doctor told her, about the aggressive new masses, along with the possibility of more clots. He was there. When she needed to be moved in the bed, he was there to lift her, to gently guide her to a comfortable position.

Yes, I’ve watched his heart grow and explode with compassion and with love. I’ve watched him speak for her. And speak up on her behalf. He’s shown me a picture of what “love in action” really means, and what that looks like.

He has held her sandwich so she could take a bite. Held her drink so she could swallow. He’s even used W-D 40 to remove the squeaky noise from her hospital room door.

He’s embraced his role in this time of her suffering. His kindness, firm and bold, with a touch of tenderness that has melted my heart. It’s not something I see often.

WD-40 Cleans out the Squeak

And so, I pray the WD-40 of God’s compassion flows through me, removing the creaky stuff from my life. I pray that I remember God’s steadfast love is better than life. And I pray that I remember to look past the differences I have with someone, and to search for the good in them, a goodness that comes from Christ.

I also pray for anyone who needs Christ, that he or she hears the call of the Savior. For He removes the squeak/creak of sin from our lives, no matter if we’re healthy or sick. His loving kindness is intended to turn us to repentance. To turn to Him. Now, that the best picture of love ever! Of a Savior who cradles us in His arms!

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. ~~ Psalm 51:10-12

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