Even If, Juvenile Diabetes Stays

Taken on my phone / Perot Theatre

Bart Millard shared his heart and stood on the stage in the spotlight, not as the lead singer of the Christian Band Mercy Me, but more like a dad who loves his children.

He would tell of how someone offered to pray for his son who has dealt with juvenile diabetes for the past 13 years, since the age of two.

Bart said he sort of got ticked off at this person who stopped what they were doing to offer prayer for healing, as if this person thought it was such a novel idea.

Bart and his wife have prayed daily for healing of their son, pretty much ongoing, and this interviewer acted like no one had (prayed) before, and it rubbed Bart wrong.

I can empathize with this, as I too, have a son with juvenile diabetes. A grown son who was diagnosed when he was fifteen and now he’s thirty-one now.

His dad and I have prayed for healing again and again, and when you, as a parent would swap your own health to make your son healthy, there are times you flat out get sad. And sadder.

Taken on my phone / Perot Theatre

When Bart shared this on stage (a real dad moment) at the concert, and told how the hard times and lyrics of the new song came together, I wept like an old wound was ripped open, and I bled from my soul.

It was in that moment, I felt the dam of tears burst from my eyes. I wiped my face and couldn’t keep up with the flood pouring down my cheeks. I wanted to trade places with my son, or I wanted God to heal him, or I wanted my son to wake up from this bad dream of needles and insulin.

Thankfully, the house lights were low when the band sang, as I found myself wrapped inside the words of this song, and memories flooded my mind.

Memories of my own son’s diagnosis.

He was on a ball field pitching. He was weak. It was summer. So he was moved to first base and barely had the strength to catch a baseball. After the game we’d go to the emergency room. And he would be admitted to ICU.

Then he’d be flown to Children’s Hospital hours away, and placed on the floor for children with diabetes.

He would learn to take shots. Learn what to eat. Learn what high blood sugar meant and what to do if the reading goes high. He’d learn what low blood sugar meant. Learn to read meters. Learn to carry insulin with him. And needles.

His pancreas was not functioning and he’d take injections for life. He would deal with this every day, it would not go away.

So the lyrics took me to a place where “even if” my son isn’t healed, he’ll do great things for the Lord. And right now, I’m proud to say he’s a great dad to his own two-year-old son. He’s a husband, too. And a great son, whom my husband and I adore!

And that makes me cry, too. And sing. And cry some more.

The house lights are up tonight, and I feel vulnerable and yet, always grateful for victory in Christ. Grateful for every breath. And grateful there’s medicine to treat his disease!

EVEN IF by Mercy Me

They say sometimes you win some
Sometimes you lose some.
And right now, right now I’m losing bad.
I’ve stood on this stage night after night.
Reminding the broken it’ll be alright.
But right now, oh right now I just can’t.

It’s easy to sing.
When there’s nothing to bring me down.
But what will I say.
When I’m held to the flame.
Like I am right now.

I know You’re able and I know You can.
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand.
But even if You don’t.
My hope is You alone.

[Verse 2]
They say it only takes a little faith.
To move a mountain.
Good thing.
A little faith is all I have right now.
But God, when You choose.
To leave mountains unmovable.
Give me the strength to be able to sing.
It is well with my soul.

I pray that the Lord not only gives Bart and his wife and their son strength, but my son, too. May we all be able to say it is well with my soul, and may we trust God even if the mountains don’t move. Even if we don’t understand. Even if all we have is a little faith.

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